It has recently come to my notice that my life has tended to change direction in years ending in a nine.
1979 – I was conceived. At the start of the year there was no me, by the end of it I was starting to form. It doesn’t get much bigger than that.
Nb. The Smashing Pumpkins song 1979 is not, to my knowledge about my conception, nor is Billy Corgan my father
1989 – I moved from primary to middle School. My primary school was small and pretty much everyone was friends, almost by default. I moved to a different middle school to any of my primary school friends, and suddenly I felt rather alone, a tiny fish in a huge pond, a little scared. Whilst I did find friends, some of whom I remain close to, I never felt like I had a friendship group I truly belonged to (in retrospect, very much down to my own insecurities than anyone else). Consequently my remaining schooldays, especially after I hit adolescence, were not especially happy ones.
1999 – When starting at University in September 2018, I again struggled to make friends. I was not unhappy exactly, but somewhat lonely, and my expectations for what adult life could bring were low. Then in Spring 2019, an unexpected entry into the world of techno clubbing introduced me to a new group of friends, (and re-introduced me to some old ones), who remain my closest friends to this day. Life became infinitely more fun, and the rest of my University days and early twenties, were mainly happy years.
2009 – After starting to drift aimlessly as my twenties drew on, meeting my wife in May of 2009 changed everything, and led to the happiest, and by far the most eventful, decade of my life. I now have a wife, children, a profession and a mortgage, whereas ten years ago I had none of these things. I can even almost drive a car. I’ve lived in three different cities, half a dozen houses, had eight different jobs. Amongst my friends & family there have been weddings, funerals, divorces and many, many children. Essentially, I grew up, and life started happening. Or is that vice-versa?
Of course, whilst there is a lot of truth in what I have written above, these markers are pretty arbitrary. There are other dates and events that have impacted greatly on my life. As a person who loves numbers, and number patterns, it’s just my own way of placing my lifes’ events into some kind of coherent narrative, something I think we all try to do.
Despite knowing this, I still can’t help but think that 2019 will be a big year in one way or another, and wondering about what 2019 may bring has made me realise something. I don’t really want my life to change right now. I’m not claiming my life is perfect of course, but after a decade of what feels like constant change, I just want to enjoy the life I have. This is not how life works of course. Big things will happen, good or bad, whether I want them to or not, no matter what number the year ends in, but I can still dream of 2019 being a quiet uneventful year